Satsangam: Way to Moksha

Sri Annamalai Swami

Once I had accepted that my prarabdha was to stay with Bhagavan, my luck began to change. As I was walking into town a hotel owner invited me into his hotel and gave me a free meal and some money. He even prostrated to me. I had decided to return to Tiruvannamalai by train because I wanted to get back to B as soon as possible, but before I could reach the station some more people invited me into their house and asked me to eat. I ate a little food there and then excused myself on the grounds that I had just eaten a big meal. I had decided to try to travel without a ticket, wrongly assuming that the money I had been given would not be enough for the journey. My good luck continued on the train. Half way to Tiruvannamalai a ticket inspector came to inspect all the tickets. I seemed to be invisible to him, for I was the only person in the carriage who was not asked to produce a ticket. 

A similar thing happened at the end of the journey. When I paused in front of the ticket collector on the station platform he said, "You have already given your ticket. Go! You are holding the others up!" Thus, by B's Grace, I escaped on both occasions. 

I walked the remaining distance to the ashram. On my arrival I went straight to B, prostrated before him, and told him everything that had happened. B then confirmed that it was my destiny to stay at Ramanashramam. 

Looking at me he said, "You have work to do here. If you try to leave without doing the jobs that are destined for you, where can you go?"

After saying this B looked at me intently for a period of about 15 minutes. As he was looking at me I heard a verse repeating itself inside me. It was so loud and clear it felt as if someone had implanted a radio there. I had not come across this verse before. I only discovered late that it was one of the verses from ulladu narpadu anubandham. The verse says:

The supreme state which is praised and which is attained here in this life by clear self-enquiry, which rises in the Heart when association with a sadhu is gained, is impossible to attain by listening to preachers, by studying and learning the meaning of the scriptures, by virtuous deeds, or by any other means.

At the end of the 15 minutes I did namaskaram to B and said, "I will do whatever work you order me to do, but please also give me moksha. I do not want to become a slave to maya."

B made no reply but I was not perturbed by his silence. Somehow, the mere asking of the question had made my mind peaceful. B then asked me to go and eat. I replied that I was not hungry because I had recently eaten.

I added: "I don't want food. All I want is moksha, freedom from sorrow."
B nodded and said, "Yes, Yes."