See Your Own Self

Sri Annamalai Swami

Madhava Swami never enjoyed his work and was always jealous of the devotees who had the freedom to meditate all day. After I myself, with B's permission, had moved out of the ashram in order to devote myself full time to meditation, Madhava Swami came to me to complain about his lot.

'I was with B even before you were. B has given you your freedom but I still have to work. B has not yet given his grace to me so I still have to work.'

Most devotees would have been astonished to hear him talk like this. As an attendant he had the privilege of being near B throughout the day. B frequently talked to him about spiritual matters and he was one of the few people who was permitted to touch and massage B's body. Madhava Swami derived no satisfaction from all this.

He once told me, "Those devotees who come to B's hall think that it is a paradise. But for me B's hall is just like hell."

Madhava Swami exhibited a deep disgust for women, especially beautiful ones. When such people came for darshan he would say in a loud voice, "Why are such women coming to see Bhagavan?"

If he ever made comments like this, B would reprimand him saying, "Why see them as women? Just see your Self."

Towards the end of his time in the ashram he began to despise all the visitors, both male and female. He once told B, "If being a sadhu means that one should live in a cave and always do meditation, why are all these crowds coming to see B?" He had the idea that they all ought to be sitting in their houses meditating.

B told him. "Why do you see these people as others and make distinctions? Attend to your serving duties and see your own Self. See the others as forms of God, or see all others as forms of the Self."