Your Real Nature is Peace

Sri Annamalai Swami

Q: When I was in Germany, I used to meditate in front of Bhagavan's picture and feel very peaceful. One day, while I was sitting as usual in front of Bhagavan's picture, a light started emerging from the eyes of Bhagavan. It flowed out of the photo and embraced me. Soon afterwards I went into a peaceful, blissful, timeless state that I have never experienced before. I totally forgot about my body, time and my surroundings. There was only peace and consciousness. That experience made such a deep impression on me, it created a strong yearning in me to regain the experience. But I never got it back. No matter how much I try, I never feel that I am getting any closer to it. How can I get this experience back?

AS: By constant self-enquiry. "Who had the experience, and who lost it? Who has the yearning to regain it? Who has all these thoughts about it?" If you follow this approach, you will ultimately realize who you really are. The experience you had didn't come from somewhere else. It is already within you. Find out who had the experience.

Q: In order to do self-enquiry we have to use the mind, which is mostly troublesome and in reality does not even exist. Why is this?

AS: The mind that we use for self-enquiry is the pure mind, the sattvik mind. By using this sattvik mind we do self-enquiry to remove the impure mind which is rajas and tamas. If you keep on doing self-enquiry with the sattvik mind, ultimately, this sattvik mind will be dissolved in the Self.

Q: Sometime ago I felt very depressed and couldn't get out of this state. One day while I was doing giri pradakshina, which I do everyday, I stopped on Bhagavan's bridge [the parapet wall of a culvert about four miles from Ramanashramam] and started meditating on Arunachala with closed eyes. Suddenly the depression lifted and was replaced by peace. This depression has not returned.

AS: The one who had the depression was not you. Your real nature is peace. Don't identify yourself with either the mind or with the depressed state it produces. These are not you.